More and more

You got me high, just with one smile
You threw me low, when you said "NO"
You make me mad, you make me angry
Again I'm SAD, I Love You madly.

The seconds stop when you're not close
All that I have's your fading rose
I'm empty with no other place to go
Cause all this time you were my home

Up in the sky I see the light
How could we ever make things right
Beneath my wings there's so much pain
Wish I could fly in this summer rain
You are my pill, my faith , my all
I miss and love you, more and more.

It's not fair...

... but life never is!

If you still believe in fairy tales, don't! In books and movies there's only the good part, the happy ending one. Real life sucks and it's full of disappointments. There is no prince charming, there is no true love, there is no "happily ever after", it's just bullshit! So don't ever trust men, they don't deserve that, they all are spoiled little brats that only think of themselves, and most definitely their purpose in life is to make us suffer and feel miserable.

It's not fair to give and never receive back that kind of love that you've hoped for!

It's not fair to have blind trust in someone and be cheated afterwards...

It's not fair that even after you know how he betrayed you , you still can't hate him. Even though your mind tells you to say STOP and GOODBYE , your heart, bleeding from the inside is crying for one last chance to save what's left.

I'm hurt... I'm lost... I'm numb... I'm disappointed and mischiefed...

It's not fair...that my future collapsed along with his betrayal...

It's just not fair to loose what you've never even found... and I lost everything!

I'm not judging, I'm being mean and it's not fair.

Unbreakable

She left her head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart, to the music of his soul. The night was still young but they have already consumed in their love, falling for each other more and more every single time they would touch...

They met by pure luck, but stayed together by strong will...

She slightly let her fingers cross his navel drawing small circles around it so that it sent shivers through his body. It was the second time only, that they've been holding each other in their arms, breathing the same air and watching the same white, full moon. Neither knew what was more disturbing, the cry of an owl outside their window that gave them the feeling of loneliness while still being together, or the acknowledgment that along with the first morning sunlight they would have to say the most painful words ever, that they've said before, but still were not used to... they would have to say "Good Bye"! Not just for a few hours, not just for a few days, but for a very long and undetermined period of time.

He felt her every thought, her every sigh, he knew what she would feel long before even she would know... he always knew her deepest fear and desire, cause both were him...she longed for him ever since she met him and along with this new and passionate desire came her biggest fear ever... to lose him.

He hold her tighter in his arms kissing the top of her forehead and she felt better.

- Tell me more about your family, about you, she said closing her eyes and breathing deep the perfume of his skin.
- You already know so much about me, more than most people that knew me my entire life...I wouldn't know what else to tell you, said he while curving his lips into a gorgeous smile.
- I know less than I want, love... I want to know every single detail of your past life. I feel like I lost so much time not knowing you, not loving you, that now I want to make up for all that time. I want to be there, in every single memory of yours, so it would feel that I knew you all my life...that we are unbreakable.

He took her hand in his, then said almost whispering... "You are my life now and forever..."

Flori de tei

Buzzz....buzzz.... se auzeau albinele de zor, fiecare una cîte una căutînd să-și aleagă floarea cea mai înmiresmată, scăldată în stropii jucăuși din roua de dimineață.
Am deschis ochii larg ca să le pot urmări jocul zglobiu, dar evident pleoapele îmi erau încă amorțite de somnul dulce din care mă trezisem recent ca să-mi pot concentra privirea asupra ceva concret.
Mi-am trecut mîna prin iarba plină de rouă, încercînd parcă să culeg cît mai mulți stropi pentru a-mi scălda fața în ei.Am simțit fiecare picătură cum mi-a ating fața și cum lin se prelingeau spre bărbie căutîng să-și croiască calea spre gît și umeri.
Fiori de fericire mi-au străpuns trupul și buzele mele nu au reușit decît să mimeze un zîmbet adormit, dar plin de gratitudine... ”Vă mulțumesc” le-am șoptit în gînd, inspirînd adînc primii zori ai zilei, îmbibați cu miros de flori de tei. Aceleași flori de tei care-mi amintesc de copilărie, de vremea pe cînd mergeam la bunici și ne urcam pe acoperișul casei ca să strîngem cît mai multe... ne întreceam nu doar noi între noi, piticii satului, ci ne aflam într-o strînsă competiție cu albinile care zumzăind printre crengile de tei, erau probabil nemulțumite că le furam nectarul florilor de mai.
Îmi e dor de copilărie, de timpul pribeag petrecut prin crîngurile pădurii de lîngă sat. Hoinăream de la primii zori ai zilei pînă la apus, căutînd ciuperci care deși erau otrăvitoare tot le rupeam, ca eram mici și nu ne pricepeam. Ce eroi ne simțeam la finalul zilei cînd ajungeam în ograda bunicii cu un coș mai plin decît a lui Ionel, și cum ne mai dojenea săraca că am pustiit pădurile și am lăsat fără de hrană viețuitoarele ei. Mie nu-mi intra în cap, cum puteau să mănînce iepurii sau șerpii , ciuperci otrăvitoare, dar dacă bunica zicea atunci așa era, vorba ei era cu tîlc.

O rază mi-a străuns obrazul stîng, am simțit cum țintea spre ochi, dar mi-am rotit capul inconștient și a ratat. ”Soare năzbîtios”, mă gîndisem eu zîmbind pe sub mustăți.

Aroma florile de tei m-a curpins din nou, același miros amețitor care mă făcea să uit de băncile școlii și să fug nălucă prin parc, fără grija temelor. În liceu așteptam primăvara doar ca să putem ieși în micile noastre pauze în curtea școlii. Îmi amintesc și acum cum la primul sunet al clopoțelului ne adunam cu toții ca șopârlele la soare și sorbeam cu fiecare milimetru al pielii noastre descoperite primele raze de căldură.

Flori de tei, același miros de flori de tei pe care-l avea parfumul ce mi-l făcuseră cadou băieții din clasa, la o zi de naștere...

Un singur miros și atîtea amintiri, amintiri înmuiate în parfum de flori de tei...

Just some thoughts

Știu că a trecut foarte multă vreme de cînd nu mi-am mai așternut gîndurile pe paginile albe ale micului meu blog, iar dacă caut un motiv anume nu cred că voi găsi unul. O fi poate din cauza că nu mă pot impune niciodată să duc pînă la capăt ceea ce încep...

Nu știu exact despre ce vreau să scriu, dar m-a apucat un dor nebun de a-mi vărsa amarul aici... știind totuși că nu voi fi citită de nimeni...

E doar un blog pentru proriul amuzament... sau cel puțin era cîndva...

I feel so lonely right now... and down ... and sad... and needy... and there is just one person in the entire world that could make me feel better just by holding me in his arms, but unfortunately that one and only person is very far away ...

I guess I want to write about love , again , and about how to be faithful to it.

There was a time not so very long ago, that I used to think that love wasn't made for me, and I wasn't made for love. To many disappointments do that to a person, but it wasn't only that... I mean... we all have our heart broken once or twice in life, but most of us are still hoping to find love, and this hope dies within us only when we die ourselves.

I had hope, but not for love, hope for a better future, a brighter one, where I could find myself smiling and being happy... but never in love again.

How wrong we can be sometimes... "never say never"... that is one truth I learned living my life.

I found myself falling in love with someone I thought I could never be with... I could never even like... it all began just as a joke...and now I'm afraid it will end like one... a big fat joke...

How do we know when our love is actually that love that we always wanted, and not just another crush, that will simply go away in a few months, if we're lucky. How can I know for sure that what I feel for him is true and won't ever go away?
I can't! But for some strange reason, there is a feeling deep inside me, that I've never felt before, and that warm and fuzzy feeling is telling me to go for it , to take my chance and trust that what I have is real... and it's forever.

I am needy, I am lost and I have no one to blame but myself...

Can't even write two words without thinking about him... it's painful not to be there next to the one you truly love...

I am small... insignificant... but my love is pure and strong...and no matter what, I will believe in a happy ending for us... I will believe in you... I will believe in LovE...